So going through a friendly divorce has its own unique problems Im finding out. My ex-wife and I have talked a lot and about a lot of things ever since we separated because we are still closer to each other than anyone else we know. Somehow its also not completely uncomfortable to be talking to each other about new people were dating either. But theres a new development where in my ex is closer to being in a new relationship than I am. I don’t even want to be in a relationship at all, so its not as if were in a race. But now that she’s finally meeting someone she’s really interested in, its a new challenge. By Finally, I mean less than 6 months of course, but she’s been waiting for this much longer than we’ve been separated obviously. My point is, when she gets closer to someone new than she is to me, then I’m pushed out. So you get this feeling of loss all over again, when you thought you had gotten all the negative feelings out of the way already.
New computer, new blog, first blog in fact. Somehow the pressure is greater writing on a blog than putting shorts notes on quick thoughts into your phone. Life is weird now. Life was boring, but pleasant a year ago, hell 6 months ago. Now life is pleasant, and weird. 5 and a half months ago, my wife fully came out of the closet to me, and told me our safe, boring life was probably coming to an end. I should go further back though, 5 and a half months ago plus 1 year. Im not sure how long she had been thinking about telling me, but she told me in January of 2016 that she was attracted to women. Now something you should know about me is that Im extremely laid back, probably too laid back. I asked her if she was still attracted to me and still wanted to be married to me. She said yes, I figured well Im also attracted to women but the only one I want to married to is you so if you feel the same, then we can make this work. I should explain that we generally had a good marriage, got along great. Maybe too well, maybe theres a certain passion that good marriages have that produces mood swings and fights and makeups, that we were lacking. Maybe that’s just me thinking of that stupid movie The Notebook. Fuck off Nicholas Sparks.
So here I am, alone and expressing my inner thoughts into a computer. I tried stand up comedy a few years ago, and actually did okay. I suddenly walked away and haven’t done it since, besides writing a lot of short funny notes into my phone Ive hardly done any writing. I took a sketch writing class after doing standup and never continued either one. I have this tendency. But Ive also never found anything that I felt natural at, and felt as much accomplishment as writing a short funny story or joke.
Im hoping by starting this journal it will help to pay attention to more small details in life. To help me build stories and also just to have an outlet for any creative ideas I might not be able to express on a stage right now. Here goes nothing. (Im gonna guess thats the most common phrase used at the end of any new first blog post.)